
Living with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) can feel like a full-time job. You follow an MS diet, take your supplements, move your body, manage stress and still face an unexpected MS flare. When that happens, the first thought for many of us is, What did I do wrong? If you’ve ever felt the weight of guilt when symptoms show up, this episode and blog post will help you to release guilt, respond with compassion, and choose grace over blame on the hard days.
👉 Listen here:
Episode Summary
In this episode/blog you’ll learn:
- Why guilt is such a common reaction to MS flares
- How to reframe symptoms as data over drama instead of blame
- Why choosing grace is more sustainable than chasing perfection
- Gentle reminders for the next time you ask yourself, “Did I cause this?”
Why We Blame Ourselves for MS Flares
The habit of self-blame often starts long before an MS diagnosis. For me, it began in childhood with migraines. Every time I had an attack, I’d immediately scan for what I did to “cause” it.
Fast forward to MS, and that same cycle showed up again. And I know I’m not alone. Many of us with MS quietly carry this behind-the-scenes struggle.
The Problem with Blaming Yourself for MS Symptoms
Yes, sometimes symptoms connect to things we can see clearly:
- A stressful week
- Too little sleep
- Forgetting supplements
But here’s the key shift: connection doesn’t have to equal blame.
Now, instead of spiraling into guilt, I’ve learned to look at these moments with curiosity. I call it data over drama. It’s simply information I can use to support myself better moving forward.
Why Grace Helps More Than Guilt During an MS Flare
Even when I’ve done everything “right” eating clean, managing stress, exercising, symptoms can still show up. That used to unravel me.
Now, I choose grace.
Grace reminds me:
- Rest is not a weakness. It’s wisdom.
- I don’t need to “earn” rest or justify a nap.
- I’m doing your best, and that’s enough.
On hard days, what we need most is not guilt. It’s compassion.
You Didn’t Cause This Flare
If you hear nothing else today, hear this: you didn’t cause this flare.
You are not being punished for missing a supplement, eating the wrong thing, or pushing too hard one day. MS is unpredictable, and your healing journey is not a straight line.
Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you follow a protocol. It’s measured by the courage it takes to keep showing up, to keep choosing hope, even when symptoms don’t make sense.
A Gentle Reminder for the Hard Days
My friend, you are not alone. Living with MS and proactively supporting yourself with diet and lifestyle is hard. Harder than most people will ever understand.
But you’re doing it. You’re showing up. And you deserve to be proud of yourself.
So the next time guilt tries to creep in, trade it for grace. Release the blame. Honor what your body is asking for.
Because that’s what will sustain you for the long haul.
Want More Support?
If this resonates with you, know that you don’t have to walk this journey alone.
Join my free webinar: “What Most Women with MS Aren’t Being Told About Progression”
MS has a Biological Clock… and it’s Ticking.
[00:00:00] Have you ever had a day where your MS symptoms flare up and your mind immediately start scanning for what you did wrong? Did I eat something? Forget to take my supplements, push too hard. Been there more times than I can count. In this episode, I'm sharing the real raw truth about how easy it is to fall into this guilt spiral, especially when you're trying to do everything quote unquote, right.
I'll share how this pattern started way before my MS diagnosis and how I'm learning to give myself grace on the hard days whether your symptoms make perfect sense. Or come out of nowhere. This conversation will help you stop beating yourself up and start supporting your body with compassion. And my friend.
If you want a more personalized approach to creating your MS diet and lifestyle, check out my private coaching [00:01:00] program. It includes a comprehensive assessment, personalized strategies and lifestyle support. Each month, I accept only three new clients. So if you are interested, apply@lenebrennan.com. Back slash coach.
Now onto today's episode, there are 1 million people diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in the us so that makes you one in a million, and you have a special purpose in this world that no diagnosis can take away from you. So if you are ready to reclaim your body, mind, and life from multiple sclerosis, welcome to my MS podcast.
I'm your host. Alene Brennan.
Hey my friend. Have you ever had a day where your symptoms flare up like outta nowhere, and your first thought is, what did I do wrong? Same. [00:02:00] And apparently I'm not the only one because this episode was actually sparked by a message from one of our listeners. Here's the message I received, Alene. I've been listening to your podcast and I have a question.
It has to do with something you said about basically having a day where your symptoms are more pronounced than others. For somebody who's. Seems as disciplined as you with always following the protocol. Do you find it difficult not to attribute those types of days that are tougher than others with any type of cause and effect of something that you did or didn't do?
In other words, do you attribute some good days or bad days directly to your actions, or are you able to just chalk it up to Ms being random? I mean, wow. Right. This question hit me hard, not just because it's a great question, but because [00:03:00] it's been my question too. The second I read it, I knew I had to talk about it because this is one of those quiet, like behind the scenes struggles that so many of us carry with ms, especially if you're someone who's trying so hard to do the right things.
To follow the protocol to take care of yourself, and then your body just doesn't cooperate. If I'm being honest, this is something I've asked myself for years. Way before MS even was on my radar. It actually started when I was a kid, believe it or not. I grew up getting debilitating migraines where I was hospitalized as early as elementary school with them, and I also grew up in a house where maintaining your health was a priority.
So needless to say, our kitchen didn't have Oreos or Lucky Charms. I literally ate lima beans as a baby, if that gives you any context. So [00:04:00] anytime a migraine hit, which was frequent, my first instinct was to try to figure out what I did to cause it. Did I eat something, quote unquote wrong? Did I stay up too late?
Did I have anything artificial, artificial coloring, flavoring, like these were literally the questions I was asking myself at a really young age. And it was reinforced by my family who often asked the same questions and they were doing so in a caring way because their intention was. Always to help me identify a trigger so I could avoid it and I wouldn't keep suffering, but it was hard not to receive it as you did something to cause this and that belief stuck.
So fast forward a couple decades, and now I have ms. An incurable chronic condition, and I'm still asking [00:05:00] myself those very same questions. If I wake up with a symptom, fatigue, brain fog, whatever it is, my brain still goes there. Did you stop taking your supplements? Have you been pushing yourself too hard?
Am I drinking enough water? Especially in the summer heat. And here's the thing. Sometimes, yeah, I can connect the dots. There's a pattern, there's a reason. But over the years, what's shifted is how I respond to that connection. Instead of spiraling or beating myself up. I've learned to meet myself with more compassion because, let's be honest, following a therapeutic diet isn't always easy.
Remembering to take your supplements every single day, or if you take them multiple times a day, remembering to take them at breakfast and lunch and dinner on a normal week, let alone a chaotic week. It's not easy. Or [00:06:00] avoiding stress while you're trying to take care of a family member who just got out of the hospital or chasing a toddler around running a business, trying to be present.
None of that is easy for somebody who has perfect health. But for somebody who's living with a chronic illness, of which fatigue is one of the most common and challenging symptoms, yeah, that's super hard. So yeah, maybe I dropped the ball somewhere, but it doesn't mean I failed. That just means I'm human and on those days, what I really need isn't guilt.
That may be like my default that I wanna go to. But it's not what I need. I need grace because I need to acknowledge that living this lifestyle, number one, living with MS is a lot, but living with MS and trying to be proactive by supporting [00:07:00] my healing with diet and lifestyle. That is setting a new standard.
It's not easy. That's the reason why the majority of people aren't doing it. We are more of the exception and it's because we got a diagnosis and we said we just don't wanna leave the rest of our lives, our health up to chance. We wanna do. Everything possible. We wanna stack every odd in our favor. So yes, that means that we have a standard that may be a little bit higher than the norm and it's worth it, but we need to make sure that we are packing each and every day with a lot of grace and compassion, because we will have days that we forget to do things.
We will have days that we. Have a bump in the road, and maybe we ate something that we normally wouldn't, and we just got so tempted. Or maybe you ate something and you didn't know it, but it had something in there that triggers a [00:08:00] symptom for you. So this isn't about necessarily blaming, oh, you were weak and you fell into that craving, or you didn't pay attention enough, and you ate something that you shouldn't have, or you didn't take your supplements.
Again, I could go on and on and on. But the point is we have a lot that we're doing just living life. Living life with a chronic illness, living life with a chronic illness, and trying to be proactive with slowing down the progression. That's a lot. If you hear nothing else from this episode, I would love for you to start acknowledging that and giving yourself more grace, more compassion, and quite honestly.
Being more proud of yourself, being proud of yourself, that you are showing up in a really hard season and you're doing everything that you can. You are making a lot of hard choices every single day that most people [00:09:00] don't ever have to make, and you're having to do it. In an environment around these people that never have to make these choices.
I hear from so many people, they're like, it's so hard when I go out and I see people just order whatever they want off of a menu or go to a barbecue or a celebration and people just eat whatever and they don't have any symptoms, well. Let's take a step back and recognize that we don't know what is going on in their body.
They may have symptoms that they just ignore. They may be stacking inflammation that is gonna be triggered later. So you ca you have no idea, and maybe God bless them. They can eat what they want and have no repercussions from it. That would be wonderful. We want good health for everybody. However, I want you to recognize that you are not alone in this Walk with MS and taking a proactive approach by choosing diet and lifestyle.
It's not easy. [00:10:00] It's worth it, and I want you to start packing your days with more grace and more compassion, because that is what is going to get you through for the long haul. This is a chronic illness for which there is no cure. I love to think and believe that the lifestyle things, the dietary things that we do can feel like a cure, but the reality is there is no medical cure for this.
So what we are doing. Needs to be for the long haul, it needs to be sustainable. So that's a little rant I needed to get out there, but let me bring it back here. So, yes, there are times that you can make connections, but there are also plenty of times where I've done everything, quote unquote right. I'm rested, I'm eating clean, I've moved my body, I'm taking my supplements, I'm managing stress, and a symptom still shows up.
Those are the moments that used to really mess with my head because I had nothing to point to, no [00:11:00] clear reason why this symptom showed up. But now I try to give myself grace and remind myself this, this is not a punishment. This is my body asking for support. So I give it. I rest, what a concept. I step back, I cancel the thing if I need to, and I remind myself this isn't forever.
This is just for right now. And I trust that by resting now, I will be able to better return to my current norm sooner. So what I lean on now when symptoms show up, whether I know the reason or not, I try to come back to two things that have really helped me to stay grounded. The first data over drama.
When something feels off in my body, yes, I pause and I check in. Not [00:12:00] to obsess, not to spiral, but just to gently reflect. Did something shift in my routine? Am I extra stressed? Have I been sleeping well? Was I not hydrated enough? Am I overdoing it with work or family? That's often the one for me, but I just notice is did something contribute to this?
And that's helpful. It's just helpful information, helpful data, not because it gives me something to blame, but because it gives me something that I can support again. Like have I not been getting enough sleep? No. Okay. I can start supporting sleep better. Am I overdoing it at work? Most likely, yes. Okay.
Then I need to start supporting a better work life balance. So instead of looking at it as something to blame, I start looking at it as something that I can [00:13:00] support and. If I can't find a clear reason why my body feels off or why a symptom popped up, that's okay too. I don't create a story around it. I don't make it mean that I failed.
It's just data, not drama. Drop the story. Just collect the information. Come from a place of curiosity. Are there any connections here? If there are, look at it as something to support versus blame. And the other thing I always come back to is this. Even if you don't know why you feel off or exhausted, fatigued, whatever, your body is still asking for care and that alone is a reason enough to rest.
You don't need to earn rest. You don't need to justify a nap. You don't need a perfect explanation for why you feel the [00:14:00] way you do if you're tired, rest. If you're having a flare, slow down. If your body's asking for help, listen and listen. When it whispers, don't make it get out a megaphone because we all know it will, and I've come to learn that when I give myself permission to rest earlier, I bounce back faster.
Resting is not a weakness, and I know this is a big mental hurdle for a lot of us. It's not. It is wisdom. It is you listening to your body, becoming more in tune with your body and honoring its needs. So to circle back to the original question, do I struggle with wanting to blame myself when symptoms show up?
Yes. Sometimes I do. That pattern is deeply ingrained, but now I [00:15:00] recognize it faster so I can respond differently. I trade in the guilt for grace. I replace the blame with curiosity, and most of all, I really try to honor what my body is asking for instead of trying to control or outsmart it. Did you hear that honor what your body is asking for instead of trying to control or outsmart it?
I don't know about you, but I feel like I need to put that on a post-it note and put it on my bathroom mirror and read it multiple times a day. All right, my friends, if you are listening to this and thinking, yep, that's me. I do that. I blame myself every time I have a bad day. I just want you to know you are not alone in that.
And more importantly, it's not your fault. You didn't cause this. You didn't mess [00:16:00] everything up. You're not being punished for missing a supplement or eating the wrong thing or pushing too hard one day. MS can be unpredictable, and your healing journey is not linear. It is not a straight line from point A to point B, and your worth is not measured by how well you stick to a protocol.
It's just not. You are showing up. You are doing your best, and even on the hard days, especially on the hard days, you deserve compassion. And just a reminder, this topic was listener requested. So if there's ever a question or a topic you'd love to hear on the podcast, send me a DM or an email. I always choose the most requested topics to include in future episodes, and I also love hearing what's on your heart.
If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to know. Reach out and let me know what came [00:17:00] up for you. And if you know someone who's walking through this too, please share this with her. Or if you need family members to really understand what you are going through as well, share it so that they can hear these words and have a better understanding of what it's actually like.
Living with ms. We all need those gentle reminders and that loving support each and every day. All right, my friends. Until next time, be kind to yourself. You're doing better than you think. Take care. Well, my friend, we've reached the end of this episode. Pick one lesson from today's discussion and put it into action.
Now it's time to reclaim your body, mind, and life from multiple sclerosis. And for more resources, events, and programs, head over to aileen brennan.com. See you on the next episode of my MS [00:18:00] podcast.
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